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Eklonicki

I'm a freeance writer who lives in Raleigh. I write magazine and newspaper articles and have written three books. I'm interested in family and relationships, parenting, senior care, psychology and therapy, women's issues, writing, and American history, particularly the WWII era. Please visit my othe...

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Life's cruel jokes

Elaine Luddy Klonicki

Okay, whose idea of a cruel joke is it that just when your kids go off to college, and you no longer have to get up with crying babies (not to mention toddlers with ear infections, school-aged kids throwing up, or waiting up for teenagers who are staying out late), you STILL can’t sleep because your own hormones are whacked out?

THAT JUST ISN’T FAIR!!!

This is the time I have been waiting for my whole life. I’m supposed to be able to do what I want, which is mostly either sleep, or write. And of course I can’t write when my brain isn’t present.

I thought I was alone with this problem until I started asking around. None of my friends are sleeping either. They’re trying prescription sleeping meds, over-the-counter meds, alcohol, you name it. Not only is it more difficult to get to sleep, it’s harder to fall back to sleep when you are woken up with hot flashes and night sweats. I’m on my third herbal preparation, but I might as well be eating bon bons for all the good it’s doing.

As if that’s not bad enough, my aging cat has developed some “attention-seeking” behavioral issues, most of which involve waking me up at night. Let me elaborate on the many ways in which she does this:

Howling every few hours in a bizarre way that makes her sound as if she’s being tortured
Sitting beside me on the bed and patting my arm with her paw
Biting my toes if my feet get near her on the bottom of our bed (Don’t even SUGGEST that I kick her out of bed. The howling is just amplified.)
Jumping up to the kitchen counter and down again with a thump, just in case some tasty food should appear there in the middle of the night
Pulling a bit of plastic bag from under the pantry door and playing with it, making a fun cracking noise
Throwing up a hairball (YUCK!)

And, of course, snoring. Last night she and my hubby were snoring in tandem for hours. I swear to you.

So I’m developing some attention-seeking behaviors of my own. Like SCREAMING when the smallest thing happens, because that’s what I do when I’m sleep deprived! (And using capital letters in my blogs, something I almost never do in a calm state.)

So, forget night-time sleeping. I’m over it. I’m going to try the daytime, when my hubby is gone, and my noctural cat is, of course, out cold. I’m going to lock the door, take the phone off the hook, and I swear, if I hear one peep out of the neighborhood dogs, I’m going to… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz